Last night, while I was walking towards home, a stranger felt up my derrière.
Thought you misread? Let me rephrase: while I was returning home last night from my weekly trip to Stelios‘ place for our podcast, a random man on a scooter approached me, slowed down, grabbed my bum and drove away.
Here I was, thinking about wireframes and workflows and a Mac app, when suddenly I felt a hand on my ass.
What. The. Fuck.
My first (and only) reaction was shock. I just stood there, totally speechless, and watched him leaving without as much as a shout.
At first I thought I was stupid for not screaming. Then I thought, maybe it was someone I know. But then, I don’t keep grab-yo-bum relationships with anyone apart the boyfriend™, and even he wouldn’t dare to do that in plain sight, while I’m walking alone at night.
Then I realized what happened. And I felt like shit.
Do you know what’s worse? I momentarily felt guilty. I thought – hey, maybe my jeans were hanging too low. Maybe they were too tight. Maybe I moved too much while walking, do I do that really? I must stop it, then, it’s provocative. That stupid female remorse that’s wired in our brains.
I’m not big on feminism and I’ve been quite vocal about it. I think it creates a huge divide between the two genders that’s uncalled for. If we, women, want to be treated as equals, we have to start behaving like we are. The whole thing seems a bit whiney to me.
But one jackass in a motorcycle helmet managed to lessen me and my big mouth to pulp.
That prick.
The subject is touchy. Therefore I won’t tolerate jokes in the comnents. In fact – screw it, I’m closing them off completely for this post only.
As I sat down on my desk to start typing the obligatory enthusiastic blog post about New Adventures in Web Design, one thing dawned to me: I really don’t know what to say.
Other than I had a terrific time, that is.
The place
Maybe I see things through the tourist’s rose-tinted glasses, and maybe I like UK a bit too much for my own good, but I loved Nottingham.
The city is pretty and clean and friendly. People were eager to help and cheerful. Everything was just a walk around the centre – none of the usual London hustle. It was cold but not too cold – even though the temperature dropped below zero at nights, I felt quite nice for the exotic bird I am.
It was a great place to host a conference – not too big, not too small, just perfect.
The talks
I spent a full day hearing web design supernovas talking about new ideas and perspectives. What’s not to love?
Each and every presentation had its unique charm. If I had to choose one as a highlight, that’d be the one lovely Ms. Veerle Pieters gave. Not that it was the most innovative, but because it felt like it was made directly for me, procrastinating little me that always struggles to find inspiration and turn it to something useful. It’s good to see that people as insanely creative as Veerle is face the same dilemmas and anxiety as everyone else.
The people
Conferences should be all about the people though. And what matters the most to me is that this particular conference was a terrific chance to see Yiannis again (and share a room, school excursion style) and finally (emphasis please) meet Maria, aka acidsmile, aka one of my favourite people on the webs since time immemorial.
I also had the chance to talk briefly with Mitul, who I’ve only met through Twitter (cheers friend!). Being an introvert person, I really didn’t jump at the chance to start talking to other attendees and I now regret it. Maybe I should. Maybe it’s a goal for the next conference.
The host
I’ll bow towards the general direction of Nottingham, because Mr. Collison has done a great job in making us all feel warm and welcome. He really looks like a sweet, humble person, instantly likeable. A terrific host. The standing O at the end of the conference didn’t do him justice.
The outcome
Please, mr. Collison, can we have another? People seem to have liked it a lot.
I have a love/hate relationship with web design.
It’s what I like to do. When I first coded a website, looked at it and thought “hey, that’s nice”, I decided that’s what I wanted to do for a living. Even though I have a Computer Science degree and I’m lacking in graphic skills, I love learning about the basics of design through trial & error.
On the other hand, empty Photoshop documents scare me to death. When a project starts and I have to start thinking out of the box, my mind shuts down. For a person as dependent on method and rules as I am, creativity is a huge struggle sometimes. I can prototype and wireframe a project’s ass off, but when it comes to design, I feel like a rabbit in front of headlights. So many possibilities!
Long story short, I get quite paranoid while designing a website. And I thought I should share it with you, dear readers.
Here are the phases I’m going through while designing:
1st phase: Fear of the dark blank slate
Launch Photoshop. File > New. Stare at the screen till eyes feel tingly. Shut down Photoshop and open WoW. Play till eyes bleed.
2nd phase: GTD
I’m feeling quite guilty at the moment, so I usually break up the design process in itsy little steps and enter them in OmniFocus. I start working on the first todo, typically “Launch Photoshop”. Something fancy gets my attention on Twitter. 90 minutes and 12 clicks later, I launch Photoshop and create a new document.
3rd phase: Procrastination
I start translating my wireframes to .psd talk. Typically, that means that I just copy my wireframe to Photoshop, trying as hard as possible to avoid any kind of creative thinking at this point. I obsess over grey boxes and alignment, till I remind myself the finished result will hopefully not look anything like it. I try to switch my mind to creative mode.
4rd phase: Guilt
By now, quite some time has passed and I’ve got nothing to show. I turn to the web for inspiration. It dawns to me: every web designer out there is more productive and creative than me! Every single link I click on is a nightmare. There’s a devil on my shoulder whispering “See how well she’s done it? And in so little time? Try to beat THAT”.
5rd phase: Denial
This is the worst phase, both for me and the people around me. I become moody and unapproachable. I answer to questions with grunts. I mope around the house, wearing pj’s and eating trash food. I’m convinced I’m a fraud, that I somehow managed to cheat people into thinking I’m a designer. No colour scheme works, Photoshop tools give me hell, I can’t even draw a straight line. I sometimes cry. I sometimes have fits. All in all, I behave like a brat.
6th phase: Spark
While browsing every website from Dribbble to Youporn [NSFW obviously / but safe for MY work / mwahahaha / yeah.] and squeezing my mind trying to come up with something, I see it. My spark. My inspiration igniter. It doesn’t have to be a full website, it can be a background or a button or a textured line. The world shifts, everything clicks into place, a feeling of warmth inside me tells me: Everything’s gonna be alright.
7th phase: Execution
That’s where the real design happens. I form a bubble around my design. I’ve been known to talk to myself during this phase – things like “Oh I know! It’ll look exactly like this” are occasionally heard in Casa Sugar. I design like there’s Devil hot on my tail. Sometimes I forget to breathe. Double rainbows all across the sky, unicorns fetch me sandwiches and I keep wondering “Gee, how could I question myself? I’m a great designer”. Yeah, modesty doesn’t really work in this phase.
8th phase: Delivery
[Save for Web|Archive]. Fire up Gmail. Attach & send.
And this happens every. Single. Time.
If that’s not a love/hate relationship, I don’t know what is.
